Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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