worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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