Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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