Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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