so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
