So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
