I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
