In the future we'll all be gay
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You took a bar mat shot.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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