I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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