so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
