people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
