dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
