i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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