I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
