Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
