why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
