people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
