just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
