I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize