why didn't you poke me back
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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