hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
