Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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