I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize