I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
