im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So many bounce houses so little time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize