My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
