Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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