I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
