what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
