maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize