wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
