Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize