i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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