someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize