I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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