That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
