Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
