i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize