My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
