you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
