"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
