Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
