This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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