Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize