im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
