can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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