i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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