wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
