who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
