there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
