so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize