I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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