I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
