He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
