Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
