i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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