This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
