The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize