I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize