Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
