wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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