ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
