Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
