it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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