Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
