my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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