Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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