OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
