im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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