If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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